Sunday, June 29, 2014

Alcatraz Shark Swim

I am still alive. I trained for it and went out there, giving it my all. It was hard. But I made it in just under 58 minutes.

Want to see a picture? Great! 

I doubt I'll ever swim that race again, because I wouldn't want to spend the money to fly back to SF just to swim a race I've already done. However, I do plan on other open water swimming challenges in the future.

For my friend Megan.

Hey hey hey. I’m Megan’s friend Dane. I have no fitness certifications or degrees. However, I’ve been working out for quite a while, and I’ve picked up a few things along the way. I’ve been reading Megan’s blog since she started it, and have sometimes browsed her followers’ blogs (I don’t even know if that’s the right term). It seemed to me that sometimes folks don’t know what to do if they can’t go run outside. That led me to ask Megan if she’d be interested in having some quick workouts that can be done in the living room using bodyweight and occasionally household items. So… here I am. I know that if you’re not sure how to do bodyweight types of workouts, it can be daunting. Then you google “living room workout” and are directed to a webpage with a workout, but no directions on how to do the movements. I’ll make it simple for you. YOUTUBE. I’ll post links to the videos. I am really going to break it down Barney style for you.

Basically, I want you to have a few full body workouts that you can do in your home. I also want them leaving you gasping for breath.

A few of the very best bodyweight exercises that there are include pushups, pullups, burpees (which I hate!), and squats.


Being able to do a pushup is important to a bodyweight routine. However, if you can’t do a normal pushup, no big whoop. Do them on your knees. Seriously. It’s better to do them on your knees then not do them at all. Eventually, you’ll get to where you can do them without your knees being on the ground.


We are going to put pullups in the more advanced category, and we’ll get to that some other month.


If there is one body weight exercise that was thought up by satan, I think it is the burpee. However, they work so many different parts of your body, and when done to for conditioning, they will wear your ass out.


I’m going to level with you: You want to do squats. They are not pleasant, but you want to do them. Most of Megan’s readers are ladies. If you’re interested in fitness enough to be reading this right now, you’re most likely interested in having nice legs and a nice ass. (Meet squats).


I want to point out a few things before we get to the workout.

1. Nothing that I write will make you look like a female bodybuilder. If you are doing body weight exercises regularly (3 or 4 times a week), you will see a difference. Your legs could become more muscular and your butt could tighten, and yes, perhaps even get a bit bigger. I PROMISE you… it’s bigger in the good way. Your fellas or ladies (I don’t judge!) will love it.

2. You make the decision of how little or much you want to do. Listen to your body. Don’t overdo it. But don’t underdo it, either.

3. You’ll need to know a few terms.

Rep- short for repetition. If the       workout calls for 10 reps that’s the same as 10 pushups.

Round- the same as a set in gym terminology. If the workout calls for 3 rounds then you repeat the circuit three times.


Workout 1

What we are going for in this first workout is to alert your muscles (you have them) that they’re about to start working and getting tougher. We are also shooting for you to break a sweat (even in the air conditioning) and be breathing heavy.




25 jumping jacks

Then stretch out on your own. Make sure you’re really getting all those muscles and joints loosened up.


The circuit-


3 rounds (at your own pace)

8 pushups (on your knees is okay)

15 crunches

8 squats

5 burpees


Cool down- 

Stretch on your own.


If that workout was too easy… awesome. And see below. If it was too hard, then cut the reps in half and only do two rounds.

Want to make that workout more difficult? If you have a dumbbell or kettlebell at home, use that for the squats. That exercise is called a goblet squat. If you don’t but still want to make the squats harder, either do 16 reps per round or get an $0.89 gallon of water when you do your grocery shopping. Hold that in both hands as you do your squats. Damn water is heeeeavy.

That brings me to my next point… if you can afford it, get a kettlebell (like this or this They are not very expensive, especially the ones for beginners (5-20 pounds). They carry them at Target or Amazon. A kettlebell is the single most versatile piece of equipment that anyone can own. AND… they take up almost no space. ANNND… you can take them with you when you travel and get a good workout in away from home.

*At Target, most of the kettlebells have a DVD workout program with them, which makes them more expensive. I’m sure that the programs are just fine.

Also... I'm posting this from my phone. It's not fancy and I can't embed links in here. Phhhhhhhhh. Dumb. 

Video examples of the movements-





Thursday, September 12, 2013

No more Star Wars post titles.

So here's a little update for the zero readers I have:

I have signed up for the Alcatraz Shark Swim on June 7th, 2014. The went is (as you can probably guess from the name) held in San Francisco, and participants swim from Alcatraz to the shore. It is 1.5 miles, has to be done in less than 75 minutes, and the water is usually about 55 degrees. 

Wanna look at their website? No? Well, me either. Here is the link anyway.

So I think I'll be posting my training for this 
swim on this blog. I'll be posting lots of crap,
because I feel like it. 

Yesterday was my first 1.5 mile swim, 
in a pool, and it took 60:42. I'll keep up my swimming training 
To make sure I can attack the Alcatraz swim head on. 

I also was so hungry after the swim I stopped 
at Taco Bell. Although it tasted good, 
in a way that only a fellow Taco Bell lover can 
understand, I shouldn't have stopped there.
It has to do with that whole eating paleo thing,
and not putting so much garbage in my 
system. No big whoop. I'm back on the 

That's it for now. 

Monday, September 2, 2013

I want one of those things that Lando's assistant wore on his head.

How about some pictures of the Solomon Islands!?!?!?


This is how we got off the ship. Believe me... It's super safe! I don't mean that. It's not safe at all 

Taking a small boat away from the ship. It was pretty awesome. 


Don't mess with me! 

The port. 

This thing is 6' tall. Pretty awesome.

Getting giant pallets of the boat with a small crane attached to a truck. Safety first! 

Our "workspace." Essentially a pavilion at the soccer stadium.

This is where we slept. This is after we cleaned it up. It was a brand new house, in the process of being built. But then a government worker embezzled money to buy cars or something. So then they couldn't finish this house. So we slept in it. 

That's the main art piece in the house.

This is the window that doubles as the door. Seriously. 

More art!

The shower.

The shitter. But it was a "yellow mellow - brown down" type of thing. 

The best MRE! 


This soda is like crack! So good. 

Terrible tasting booze! 

The bar with my boy. 

 Sure I won't die from these. 

The market place. It smelled awful. 

That's the fire truck. The one fire truck. 

The gate where I spent a lot of my time.

My favorite day of the Solomons.


A few more pictures of life on the ship:

Such a zest for life. We were so bored.

This is where three grown men sleep. The bar at the top of the picture, that runs on the outside of the top bunk, with the red curtains on it? That's how I got in and out of Ed. Like a pull-up/shimmy thing. It's only about 6'5" total.

A bunch of dudes all brush/wash/shave here.

This is the shower. Probably about 3x3. Seriously small.

There you have it, kids.  

He died about the same time as your father

Here is a story. A story of pictures. Of Kiribati.

This is one of the Japanese naval guns that they used against us as we began kicking their asses! 

Kiribati police officer at the health fair. 

These people have nothing to do but wait in line for free stuff.

Yeah, it was hot as balls.

This is actually happening. That is a Kiwi nurse helping a Kiribati pregnant little person. 

The health fair.

Oddly enough- this is not the doggie death tarp.

By far my favorite day in Kiribati.

Rough day. Behind me, that's a hit for rent. It's also considered the honeymoon suite. Yikes.

We went out and about in the city, deworming pigs. I wrangled a few, and injected one. A real treat. 

Who you gon' call? 

We dubbed this "the skank tank," not because of the amount of morally bankrupt women, but because it was sketchy as hell.

Skank tank bathroom. Looks the fanciest bathroom in Detroit. 

The inside of the skank tank.

Fancy bathroom art.

That's real. Paying for tp.

A Kentucky favorite! 

Anyone want some carry-out? 

That's the main government building. Fancy. 

Well... That's about it, kids. I have more, but I can't post them on a blog. So sorry.