Luke kissed his sister!

*note- I don't have time to proofread perfectly, because I barely get any Internet time. So, I'll fix it later, suckers. 

I was able to talk to the mrs today on a satellite phone that these Air Force guys have. I always say I should've joined the Air Force. I mean it every time I say it. Then I mean it when I only think it. Damn Air Force. I'm so jealous! That was a little side note, because I was glad to talk to Mrs. Brown. After we hung up, she went to the tavern with her mom and his boyfriend. Jealous. 

So we did the "Murph" hero wod today. There were four of us, two Army, an Air Force guy, and me. 

Because of the limited equipment- I did it with a rower. I hate treadmills. I'm not a damn hamster! I did it 42:39. I did not wear a vest this year. It was rough. It was also weird doing squats while the ship is moving back and forth. 

I've been listening to a lot of ambient music- like Tycho, Explosions in the Sky, Little People, etc. I've also been jamming The Gaslight Anthem's "handwritten." The best song on that album is "mullholand drive." I've also been blowing up Damien Jurado's "Maraqopa." I've also been listening to the new Eve 6 album a lot.

I'm still reading "The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fist Fight in Heaven." It was written by Sherman Alexie, and it is wonderful. I love that guy, he is such a great writer. If you're a fan of iron and wine, then you should read him. His stories are like iron and wine lyrics, except set in an Indian reservation. 

One line that stood out at me today- "When one person starts to look at another like a criminal, then the love is over. It's logical."

****it is currently Wednesday, May 29th. 

I woke up early and went up to the ship's pilot room, which is where the boat is driven. Within two minutes I was driving the boat. Driving a multi-million dollar Navy ship is not nearly as hard as I thought it was. I learned about the different speeds, and all sorts of radars. Then we went to the back of the ship, and helped keep watch for other ships or men overboard. It was very windy, which was nice, and we saw the sun rise. 

The good is still so/so. It is better than most Army mess halls, but it still leaves much to be desired. It is hard to eat paleo+dairy on this ship. I have managed well, as I haven't been eating grains. But the non grain/soy/flour choices are few and far between. A-1 and hot sauce help out a lot, too. However, eating w30 is pretty much impossible on any military instillation. However, at least there are no Taco Bells or Andy's to ruin my paleo-ness. 

I finished my Sherman Alexie book yesterday, and started "The Red Pony" by Steinbeck. It is really depressing so far. 

Post Murph! 

Mrs. B and I got the coordinates of Las Vegas tattooed on us. Cause we're in loooooooooooove.

I'm getting paid for this! 

I'm out like a Zach Morris cell phone! 

Take care, folks! 

A long time ago...

May 25

Over the last few days, we have been real tourists. We have gone out and about, looking at a few sights. Mainly, we have been eating, drinking, and going to the beach. I know, right now the army sounds awesome. Meh. 

On Thursday we went to the Pearl Harbor memorial and it was really humbling. It was a very cool experience to see where the attack happened. There was an anti aircraft gun that was used on the ship during the attack that was on display. It was really cool. That old thing probably brought down a plane or two. 

After that we did laundry and the laundromat, and drank beers out of the back of the rental van. After that we went to a seafood place to get some grub. And drink beers. 

Today we ship out to sea. I don't know what it will be like, but I have all my motion sickness medicine ready to go. I'll be needing that, I'm sure. 

****** it is now 8:13pm, local time.

We left Pearl Harbor at approximately 10:30am. It was pretty amazing to see the whole ship lined with Sailors and Marines interior dress uniforms. There were also a few Soldiers and Canadians who went out to do the ceremony. I guess as a ship leaves the dock, the crew get on their dress uniforms and they all line up around the perimeter of the ship's deck. 

Leaving Hawaii was pretty wild as far as seeing it disappear slowly from sight. Another wild sight is when you see look in all directions and see nothing but water. Absolutely no land at all. It is a pretty wild sight. 

I didn't get sick today, which I am VERY grateful for. 

I've showered, and am in my rack. There are a few guys in my room who get up at 5, and they make a lot of noise. It's pretty irritating, but I don't want to say anything because this is their ship. I'm just a guest on the ship, and as a guest I don't want to be a dick. 

I worked out today down in the ship's gym. Pictures to follow.

Bar curls

DB press

Dips

Overhead squats

  

Conditioning- 

Ohs

Push ups

Pull ups

AMRAP for 5 minutes

I did three rounds.

Food- 

I ate eggs with vegetables and ham. I used A-1 sauce.

i ate sloppy joes, no bun, salad with vinaigrette, cheese, and salami. I also put vegetables on it. Fruit.

I had pizza (there was the leftover sloppy joe meat on it), which I scraped off just the toppings, and ate them while leaving the grain/bread part of the bread on the plate. I ate just the meatballs from the spaghetti and meatballs. Fruit and milk. 

I'm the hell out. 

Sunday, May 26th-

I am up at 5:50am today, because the guys that normally wake me up with their noise must have slept in today . Sundays are pretty relaxed on the ship, from what I gather. The food service folks just had microwaveable food out, along with hard boiled eggs and fruit. So today I went with hard boiled eggs, fruit, the egg/bacon filling of the breakfast burrito, and milk. I got a yogurt, but it was full of HFCS, and I'm not about to put that in this body, not for mediocre tasting yogurt. 

They do what they call brunch on the ship. It wasn't too bad, it was breakfast foods and lunch foods.

We finally met the force protection officer for the Navy today. He didn't know that the MPs were even on the mission until yesterday. This is a pretty good example of the right hand not talking to the left hand. But the good news is that we will be getting off the ship whenever we go into port. So I will get to go see some cool things in the different islands. 

I'm about to post this on Memorial Day because I'm able to have a little wifi because the Air Force is set up.And you know that's pimp. 

I hope you all are remembering the men and women who have given so much for our nation. 

Today we do the Murph Hero Wod. On the ship! 

USSMissouri

My new Aussie friend

Why can't my patch have a kangaroo? 

There is no land for days. Fun! 

Okay.  I'm out.

I wanna fly a tie fighter into your heart

Wednesday was a pretty wild day. I woke up, and had to get moving. But first- a workout:

10 DB press

10 cable crosses

5 gladiator push ups

10 pull ups

3 rounds

Then I went to the beach for a 6:20am swim.

After I drug myself away from the ocean, I went to the naval base. Then I went to the ship. 

Then I went to my bunk

Three grown men in each side. The top bunk is about eye level with me, and I'm 6'3". It is pretty cramped. It's like bunk beds in a state ran home for the mentally incompetent. I'll take a cot in the back of a Humvee.

I ate lunch at Taco Bell (we were in a hurry). They have Hawaiian pork on the menu. I obviously had to try that! It was awesome. 

As for work, I drove Soldiers from the airport to the ship all day. This was easy. Except the very last Soldier couldn't tell me where she was at in the airport because her phone died. I circled the airport for an hour. I was not happy about this, and we had to have a chat when I finally got to her. 

I went to the naval gym to try and get a quick Crossfit workout in. I had only been doing my power cleans and dead lifts for ten minutes, and the manager said I couldn't workout in my duty uniform. For some reason, I couldn't wear pants in the gym. Pretty stupid to me. 

After the work was done for the day, we went out to Waikiki. We ate cheeseburgers and drank many beers at Cheeseburger Waikiki. Then the girl who pissed me off earlier lost her ID, and couldn't get on the ship. By the time she found it, she was late. That was fun...

But I got into the rack, and got some sleep. Life is not too bad.

While driving around, I listened to The SteelDrivers loud. I also listened to Alkaline Trio and Fleetwood Mac.

Frozen in Carbonite

This is an account of my day Tuesday, traveling and arriving in Hawaii.

4:55am- wake up

4:56am- want to jab out eye with stick

4:56am- remember those that were killed the night before in Oklahoma tornados. Immediately stop being a whiner.

5:03am- eat a yogurt

5:07am- eat a crunch ball. Don't know what I'm talking about? http://paleomg.com/blueberry-apple-pie-trail-mix-balls/

5:24am- leave the house for the airport.

5:51am- watch Asian girl take stuff out of her bag, trying to bring it under 50 pounds. 

5:59am- head to security. Talk to friend's mom who is a TSA agent. 

6:00am- say goodbye to hot wife. She cries. I suspect it is out of jealousy. 

6:15am- destroy airport bathroom.

6:30am- am paged overhead because I like to be the last to board, because standing around like a damn idiot for 15 minutes while other people find their seats and try to cram 200 pound bags into a cubbyhole made for baggage no bigger than a soccer ball is ridiculous.

6:45am- take off. I remember how I despise flying. Not because I think I'll die, but because it is so boring. 

7:02am- read the sky mall catalogue, wondering why the hell I don't have some of these gadgets. 

7:40am- pilot comes on saying these bad weather in Dallas. We won't land until 9:30am. Perfect. I love running to my next gate, and not eating. 

8:50am- wonder why the hell anyone would wear flip flops while flying. Well, not so much the airplane part as the rushing through the airport. I'd be worried some asshat would run over my foot with their wheeled luggage on their way to Epcot. Or one of those extended golf carts that take certain people to their gates, and are always honking their horns. Because there's not nearly enough congestion in the terminals. Why don't we add a minivan in the mix? 

9:30am- finally arrived in Dallas. 

9:50am- ate BBQ. It was gross.

10:24am- started boarding flight. 

10:45am- I have two small children in the row ahead of me. One is already screaming. 

10:51am- pilot says we aren't leaving for 30 minutes.

10:53am- pilot says we are leaving. 

11:04am- we take off.

12:21pm- shitty movie started.

12:43pm- ate the meat off of a shitty pre packaged turkey sandwich. Then I ate a fruit/nut/cheese/cracker pack that cost $9 on the plane, but was worth about $2. I didn't eat the crackers. 

1:42pm- a guy in front of me has a Walkman. A cd playing Walkman. I'm serious. I tried to take a picture but it was blurry. I don't want to be the guy taking creeper pictures on an eight hour flight. 

1:47pm- just realized that the woman next to me has a "korn" tattoo. Again, I want a picture, but I cannot be sneaky enough. 

1:48pm- wish Brandon was here to laugh at the korn tattoo with me.

1:56pm- movie is over. Next they show an NBC show called "smash" about a fictional broadway show. Um... I'm so ashamed because I was very interested in the show. I enjoyed it. 

2:45pm- I realize I'm waiting to piss until this show is over. 

2:46pm- ponder my sexual preference

2:59pm- go into the "lavatory" 

behind some guy. He didn't flush. 

4:15pm- took 5 Benadryl and a sleeping pill. Was able to sleep.

7:25pm- woke up. Ready to get the hell off this plane. 

7:52pm- ate a Lara bar and a piece of jerky. Read. Ready to get off this death trap.

This is where the timeline takes a turn. I changed my watch to Hawaii time. 

3:12pm- we land.

3:25pm- pick up bags.

3:45pm- they don't have vans. I get an expedition. Pretty boss, I say. 

3:46pm- guy I work with asks me where my hotel is. Um... What? I was told I was sleeping on the ship. Make hotel reservations.

4:10pm- fighting traffic on Hawaii US1. 

4:17pm- get to the hotel. Not too shabby. 

4:58pm- walk to the beach, drunk a beer. Look at the ocean. 

5:06pm- head to liquor store. Buy a delicious Keno beer, then more. 

5:47pm- beers drank, head to dinner. 

7:45pm- ate pizza. Drank beer. Good. 

8:21pm- went back to the hotel. 

8:43pm- grabbed the rest of my beers, headed to the beach. 

8:56pm- in ocean. Drinking.

8:57pm- loving life.

10:34pm- take shower

10:50pm- pass out

What's that? You want to see pictures!?

The view from my room.

I can see water from my room.

Where I drank a Kona Longboard Lager from the tap.

Yep.

This is that first beer.

So far today I've listened to pepper, the steeldrivers, and ludivico einaudi while I slept.

The current book I'm reading is "The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fight in Heaven" by Sherman Alexie. This guy is one of my favorite writers. He is a great storyteller.

That is the tale of my first day in Hawaii. 

The feeling after your half robot dad cuts off your arm...

So yesterday I was preparing for my Army mission, in the only way that makes sense: by mountains of paperwork. 

I was on the phone with TriCare for 67 minutes. For those of you who are not familiar with TriCare, that is the government healthcare system. It is miles of government red tape, followed by mountains of BS. That's a pretty disgusting image, isn't it? Just a big pile of fecal matter. 

So, the best way that I can explain dealing with TriCare is painting this gem of a picture: imagine going to your local DMV needing to get your tags renewed. The first DMV agent tells you what to do, gives you forms to fill out, and tells you what to do with them. After you fill the papers out, you go to the second agent to turn them in. #2 tells you that you never needed those forms in the first place, and that you have to come back Thursday, because that's tag renewal day. When you come back Thursday, the third person you talk to tells you that they can't help you at that branch, and you have to go to the other location. But he doesn't know the address of the other location, and asks a co-worker for help. Then that person tells you that there is no other location. 

If you're still with me, and have not slit your own throat yet, that is how it is. It would be more effective to use a fancy printer and make my own damn tags. 

Anytime you tell a TriCare representative, "The last person I talked to said blah blah blah," they will act like you're speaking French. They also always act like their co-workers are all bumbling idiots. I agree. 

In other news- we did the "Dane's Last CONUS (continental United States) Workout" yesterday. It was pretty fun. 

Yeah. I hate wallballs.

Sweaty senioritas! Yeah, I worked out with four hotties. Notice the cool kid in the back. He's boss. I'll miss my gym/gym people.

Yeah, that's my luggage, for the whole summer. Less than a woman would take for 12 days. Am I right? Eh? Fellas? Nobody? Shut up. 

Okay. More excitement to come! I promise. 

luke skywalker

so, the purpose of this blog is for me to log my travels this summer. i am going to be sort of like luke skywalker, in that i am going far away from home in hopes of adventures and seeing new things. i have only an idea of what awaits on my upcoming deployment, but i look forward to discovering those things.

i think a lot of people who have never been in the military, or grown up in a military family, do not really know what it is like for us. so, i plan on logging my daily duties, where we go, food, living quarters, my workouts, etc. i think that it could be kind of fun for me, or for people who want to know. or, maybe no one cares. i don't know.

i do plan on taking as many pictures as possible, and posting them whenever i have internet availability.

always remember- han only shot greedo in self-preservation, as greedo would have shot first.