This is an account of my day Tuesday, traveling and arriving in Hawaii.
4:56am- want to jab out eye with stick
4:56am- remember those that were killed the night before in Oklahoma tornados. Immediately stop being a whiner.
5:03am- eat a yogurt
5:07am- eat a crunch ball. Don't know what I'm talking about? http://paleomg.com/blueberry-apple-pie-trail-mix-balls/
5:24am- leave the house for the airport.
5:51am- watch Asian girl take stuff out of her bag, trying to bring it under 50 pounds.
5:59am- head to security. Talk to friend's mom who is a TSA agent.
6:00am- say goodbye to hot wife. She cries. I suspect it is out of jealousy.
6:15am- destroy airport bathroom.
6:30am- am paged overhead because I like to be the last to board, because standing around like a damn idiot for 15 minutes while other people find their seats and try to cram 200 pound bags into a cubbyhole made for baggage no bigger than a soccer ball is ridiculous.
6:45am- take off. I remember how I despise flying. Not because I think I'll die, but because it is so boring.
7:02am- read the sky mall catalogue, wondering why the hell I don't have some of these gadgets.
7:40am- pilot comes on saying these bad weather in Dallas. We won't land until 9:30am. Perfect. I love running to my next gate, and not eating.
8:50am- wonder why the hell anyone would wear flip flops while flying. Well, not so much the airplane part as the rushing through the airport. I'd be worried some asshat would run over my foot with their wheeled luggage on their way to Epcot. Or one of those extended golf carts that take certain people to their gates, and are always honking their horns. Because there's not nearly enough congestion in the terminals. Why don't we add a minivan in the mix?
9:30am- finally arrived in Dallas.
9:50am- ate BBQ. It was gross.
10:24am- started boarding flight.
10:45am- I have two small children in the row ahead of me. One is already screaming.
10:51am- pilot says we aren't leaving for 30 minutes.
10:53am- pilot says we are leaving.
11:04am- we take off.
12:21pm- shitty movie started.
12:43pm- ate the meat off of a shitty pre packaged turkey sandwich. Then I ate a fruit/nut/cheese/cracker pack that cost $9 on the plane, but was worth about $2. I didn't eat the crackers.
1:42pm- a guy in front of me has a Walkman. A cd playing Walkman. I'm serious. I tried to take a picture but it was blurry. I don't want to be the guy taking creeper pictures on an eight hour flight.
1:47pm- just realized that the woman next to me has a "korn" tattoo. Again, I want a picture, but I cannot be sneaky enough.
1:48pm- wish Brandon was here to laugh at the korn tattoo with me.
1:56pm- movie is over. Next they show an NBC show called "smash" about a fictional broadway show. Um... I'm so ashamed because I was very interested in the show. I enjoyed it.
2:45pm- I realize I'm waiting to piss until this show is over.
2:46pm- ponder my sexual preference
2:59pm- go into the "lavatory"
behind some guy. He didn't flush.
4:15pm- took 5 Benadryl and a sleeping pill. Was able to sleep.
7:25pm- woke up. Ready to get the hell off this plane.
7:52pm- ate a Lara bar and a piece of jerky. Read. Ready to get off this death trap.
This is where the timeline takes a turn. I changed my watch to Hawaii time.
3:12pm- we land.
3:25pm- pick up bags.
3:45pm- they don't have vans. I get an expedition. Pretty boss, I say.
3:46pm- guy I work with asks me where my hotel is. Um... What? I was told I was sleeping on the ship. Make hotel reservations.
4:10pm- fighting traffic on Hawaii US1.
4:17pm- get to the hotel. Not too shabby.
4:58pm- walk to the beach, drunk a beer. Look at the ocean.
5:06pm- head to liquor store. Buy a delicious Keno beer, then more.
5:47pm- beers drank, head to dinner.
7:45pm- ate pizza. Drank beer. Good.
8:21pm- went back to the hotel.
8:43pm- grabbed the rest of my beers, headed to the beach.
8:56pm- in ocean. Drinking.
8:57pm- loving life.
10:34pm- take shower
10:50pm- pass out
What's that? You want to see pictures!?
The view from my room.
I can see water from my room.
Where I drank a Kona Longboard Lager from the tap.
Yep.
This is that first beer.
So far today I've listened to pepper, the steeldrivers, and ludivico einaudi while I slept.
The current book I'm reading is "The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fight in Heaven" by Sherman Alexie. This guy is one of my favorite writers. He is a great storyteller.
That is the tale of my first day in Hawaii.
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