Come now, let me get you something.

So I realize that I have not posted in well over a month. The last post I made was in the Marshal Islands. That is unacceptable. I mean.... Really. 

So it is currently the 14th of August as I write this. We are headed back to the United States. Well, Hawaii, which is sort of America. We are so bored on this ship, that it is some sort of challenge staying busy. We watch a LOT of movies. 

Actually, I've had people tell me they can't ever find me. I inform them that if they were looking they'd find me. The only places I'm ever at on this ship? 

My room

Gym

Chow hall

Shower laundry

That is about 98% accurate. Sometimes I'll visit the Air Force kids, just to say hello, or to play Xbox. 

So, here is a recap of my trip since the last post:

After the Marshal Islands were finished, we headed to Kiribati. Now... This country is what I would assume Detroit would look like if it were surrounded by salt water. It was the dirtiest place I've ever been in my life. The people there take no pride in their country, and trash it like it is their job. These people literally void their bodily waste on the sidewalk and the beach. 

As MPs, we finally were able to do what we came on the mission to do, which was provide security for medical/dental/vet providers as try do their jobs. We went off the "FOB (Forward Operating Base)," although that term is better utilized in a combat zone, everyday, providing security. The events we went to the first few days had approximately 500 people in attendance each day. 

Then the last few days were spent with the vets, helping them control their area, as they provided desexing surgeries for local animals. Sometimes I would stay at the vet site, sometimes I would go with them as they would walk around the "neighborhoods" in search of pigs to deworm. It was interesting if nothing else. 

For our living area... It was not awful. It was the national football (soccer) stadium/gymnasium. So, we all slept on cots inside the gymnasium. But it was so hot that the only respite at night was sleeping outside. There were a line if frontiersmen in our cots and mosquito nets each night, under the awning in case of rain. For food, it was all MREs, because the food on the island wasn't safe to eat. 

We were not allowed to go buy produce, because it is all imported there. The Navy didn't want us disrupting the economy or the supply and demand. In fact, only 175 of us were allowed on the island at once. There were a few showers, and it was rain water, so that was nice. The toilets were not supplied with running water, so after you used them you poured water down them to flush them. What sanitary fun. 

As far as fun, we didn't do too much in Kiribati. There really wasn't much to do. One day we went over to a "resort," which was really about as nice as a city park in America. But we had to take a small water taxi to get there, after we had driven as far as the main road would take us. I know. Classy. Of course we also drank some adult beverages. I mean... This isn't amateur hour, people. 

----------the rest of this was written Sept. 2, 2013----------

After 11 days in Kiribati, it was time to get the hell out of dodge. 

We went to the Solomon Islands after that. What do you need to know about the Solomon Islands? Here's a top three:

1. It is hot and muggy

2. It is the top place in the world to contract malaria. Great! 

3. There was a bloody civil war there not too long ago. Great! Read about the civil war here: 

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_Solomon_Islands

I know it's not a link, but I'm using my phone. Deal with it. 

I honestly don't even care about getting into the whole thing. It was hot, Mosquitos raped you at night, and the beer was awful.

Blah, blah, blah. Whatever. Then we started steaming away to the United States. 

It took something like 8 days to get to Hawaii. It was a real fun time... I'm lying by the way. I didn't mean that. 

The food on the ship got worse day by day. The mess was pretty much out of all fresh fruits and vegetables. For the salad bar, a typical meal consisted of:

Spaghetti noodles

Bacon bits (the artificial ones)

Cheese blocks

Jalapeños

Other misc processed garbage. 

A bunch of other stupid shit happened after that, but I feel like all it would be is a giant bitch-fest about the Navy. You get the idea- I don't like the Navy. No need to beat a dead whorse. Ha. See what I did there? 

Anyway. I'm glad I'm home.